If you listen to The Secret and other attraction theories, you hear them say, “change your beliefs, change your world!” And “As soon as you set your
mind to a different vibrational frequency, you will begin to attract wealth!” Well that’s great. Have you ever tried to do just that? You tell yourself over and over, “I am rich in material and spiritual wealth!” Or “I have unshakeable confidence!” And so on. But you still seem at a loss, and the clients don’t come rolling in, and you wonder if you are doing this attraction stuff right. The problem is that when you try to change your beliefs with affirmations that don’t ring true to you, what you’re really repeating is your disbelief. ”I am rich!” you say to yourself. ”Yeah, right,” you say to yourself right after. And on goes the cycle of not really getting anywhere in aligning your mindset with your big goals.
In a previous post, I talked about how three things need to be in alignment with your largest goals for you to be able to make progress with them. Your Spirit, or ‘WHY,’ your Identity, and your Beliefs that support your identity. Beliefs about yourself are by far the biggest saboteur in this equation. It’s time to get them in check, so I’ve developed a 4 step process to tackle self-defeating beliefs and bring them to a higher standard that is in alignment with your bigger purpose.
Step One: Forget affirmations and start using Afformations. This is a tip that my mentor gave me, and it has been really incredible to actually feel a physical change in my body as I’ve worked with these, like a weight lifted. Noah St. John developed this process of reframing the way we state affirmations so that instead of an unbelievable statement, they become interesting questions that our mind searches for answers to. For example, instead of saying, “I have incredible success in my business,” you ask, “Why do I have such incredible success in my business?” The theory is that you mind is naturally programmed to search for answers to questions you pose to it.
The other aspect of this is an interesting one. Do you ever find yourself saying things like, “Why does this crap always happen to me?” Or “Why can’t I ever get things right?” Or “When am I finally going to stop struggling?” We ask ourselves self-defeating questions all the time, and so we often are in a near constant state of negative thinking. Instead of all this negative self-talk, or self-ask, the goal is to start asking different questions. ”Why do good things always happen to me?” “Why am I so great at accomplishing tasks?” “Why does a successful business come to me with such ease?” You don’t have to have the answers, your brain will work on these questions subconsciously for you until they come true. Try it for a week and I promise you will feel so differently!
Step Two: Capture your Aha! moment, and keep it close for when you need it. Your Aha! moment is that time, or times, when you overcame a huge obstacle or had an amazing success and you thought to yourself…WOW! Impressive! My most recent Aha! moment didn’t have to do with business, but it has profoundly affected how I approach business and everything else in my life. I gave birth to my son Noah at home naturally with the help of a midwife. Going through that visceral experience; walking through the fire and actually feeling my body being turned inside out; edging the limit of my pain threshold; connecting with the Source as I turned into a wild woman so that I could bring my child into the world…and then in the next moment jumping to the task of caring for this brand new, desperate, needy person…well, it changed the way I view myself forever. I am stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible. I feel like I can do anything. And I’ll tell you, I don’t take sh** from anyone! I believe in the creative, feminine power of women to do things that many men couldn’t do. That moment reshaped everything.
So what is your Aha moment? Maybe when you beat cancer, or ran a marathon, or left a relationship that sucked the life out of you. Maybe it was when you got your first client, or were given center stage at a workshop, or graduated college against the odds. Whatever it is, remember the fine details of it. How did you look? How did you feel? How did people around you praise you or admire you? What did it mean to you to do this thing? Keep this experience close to you. When things get challenging and you need a boost of morale, or when you start doubting yourself, remember the fierce feminine warrior you are. The person who, in that special moment, brought her game to the court and could not be beat. Use this to fuel the heat of your desires.
Step Three: Surround yourself with support. We all have people in our lives that poo poo on our successes. To stay with my example of my Aha! moment, a good friend said when she found out I had a natural childbirth – “well, my mom’s group was talking about this and unfortunately, you don’t get a medal for going natural…” Of course, the only people I’ve ever heard say that are people who have not had a natural childbirth! But I digress. The point is, there is always someone who wants to downplay what you are doing. They may be jealous of your gumption. But they also may be genuinely concerned about your well-being and don’t want to see you fall. (My father, a life-long hardworking employee now retired with a nice pension, was so worried about me working for myself that he nearly staged an intervention.) Whatever their reasoning, these people – whether it’s your mom, your “best” friend, your sister-in-law – stay on the outside of the circle. The people who get to be inside the circle are the cheerleaders. The ones who have unwavering confidence in you even when you sometimes don’t. For me, this includes my husband, my coaches and mentors, and my mother. These folks see my brilliance and also see clearly when I start to sabotage myself, and they lovingly call me on it. When you are feeling down, call on your support circle to lift you back up.
Step Four: Collect praise and relish in it. I encourage all of my clients to get testimonials, and the more the better! Every single client of mine has told me of a time when one of their people pulled them aside to tell them how their life had changed for the better. It happens all the time. So start having people write down their praise for you. This is so beneficial for building credibility. But I think even more importantly, it is a constant reminder to you that the work you are doing is making a big difference in the lives of your clients and students. When you know you are getting results for the people that pay you for your brilliance, you start to understand deeply your worth and the value you bring. And understanding ultimately leads to believing in yourself and your greatness.
Each of these steps tackles self-defeating beliefs in a different way. But each is important on its own as well. You have to change your internal conversations, but you also have to have external support to remind you that what you think is really true. Try these steps and let me know what you think. I believe you will be experience a true shift into greatness!
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Thank you so much for writing this post.